… it could be way worse?
… if only happens occasionally?
… life is way better with the abusive person than without them?
… I could have done XYZ differently to avoid it?
… they are such a good person and try really hard to do well, but they aren’t perfect and neither am I.
… I was abusive too.
The answer is YES! It is still abuse.
Nothing justifies abuse and abusive behaviour.
Abusive behaviour happens to all degrees and is done by pretty much everyone. We need to learn to see it and call it out. We need to learn to see it in ourselves and call ourselves out. We need to learn to listen when we are called out instead of becoming defensive. We need to learn how to be accountable for our own behaviours. We need to learn to hold others accountable. We need to learn how to apologize and mean it and do it and accept the consequences, and we need to learn to forgive.
Anything you’d like to add to it? Any “Is it still abuse, if…” questions you’d like to add?
Get in touch with me: berta [at] herrberta.art
It took me a long time to see abuse for what it is. It came in all forms of disguises. Most often, it told me that I was to blame for everything and nothing, that I was worthless, and if I had been different, it would have all been ok.
I learned, and I did this to others too. I am angry, sad and ashamed at the same time.
But I learned. I learned to see, to stop, to do better and to apologize.
I’ll never be perfect, but I can be better.
Article picture: HerrBerta.art[work]
The string puppet was created by me. I seem to have a thing for creating somewhat melancholic, sad/ cute art. I tried to make it look joyful – I failed.