One of the kids is down. They tried to keep it together, but we knew something was off when they asked to move from the shadow into the sun on a 30°C+ day. We did the sensible thing, and all went to chill for the rest of the day while they slept it off.
My partner is down. He went to bed all healthy, woke up the next day with a severe fever, and then didn‘t get up for the next two days – not even eating. The kid is doing ok again.
1st day of covid
Yesterday I was still feeling good, and this morning, I had the energy to run some errands, but as the day progressed, my health crumbled, and the fever rose. Luckily I was wearing a mask as I am sure I was already highly infectious, and unlike others, I do not find it liberating to infect others.
On the second day of covid
I am in bed occasionally, looking at the stupidest stuff on my phone – fancy nail painting anyone? – or tossing, turning and shivering with a high fever. My partner is out of the woods and doing a lot better.
3rd day of covid
The same as yesterday. I have less than one working brain cell and barely remember anything. Also, having covid means wearing a lead blanket. I move may be as fast as a slug, if I move at all.
The fourth day of covid
It‘s getting a bit better. I walk around occasionally again, but the fever and exhaustion are still there. I was walking the dog. Forgot the key in the lock outside. The neighbor kindly rang the doorbell to let us know.
5th day of covid
As I am a tiny bit better again, I realize that my head is all stuffed, and I live in a parallel universe as if the people around me have nothing to do with me. The body is better, but it‘s all one greyish, gooey fog through which I perceive the world. I went to see the doctor – online. She was concerned and said I should go to the emergency room. I didn‘t want to – while my recovery is way slower than that of the rest of the family, I still believe there is progress. The compromise – if there is anything like a compromise in a situation like this – is that if I still have a fever tomorrow, I‘ll go.
On the sixth day of covid la la, la la, laaaa
No fever! My mood is a bit better, too, but the grey fog, shut ears, and disconnect from the world are still there.
I don‘t smell anything.
As if covid for the whole family isn’t bad enough, the drainpipe between the house and the main sewer in the street got blocked, and the sewage water from the home spilled out in the entrance. I was too exhausted to cry. Well, the plumper came by quickly, and now it’s working again. When he was working on it (we forced him to wear a mask and warned him about our Covid infection!) and poured three liters of sulphuric acid into the sewer in the house, and I still didn’t smell a thing, I was both worried and also a little bit happy.
Seventh day of covid
I haven’t done much in quite a while, and I don’t even have the strength to be upset about that. That‘s wild. There‘s so much to do, and it doesn’t even bother me. I keep lying in bed most of the time, doing almost nothing. Today I read a few pages in a book and contributed a bit to dinner. I thought I could smell again but as the part, I had cooked had a rather intense flavor I conclude that I still can’t smell much. Other than that, it‘s still all too much.
According to the antigen test, two of us are still positive. I am one of them.
My life is limited to lying in bed doing nothing and brief periods where I chew sweet or salty stuff with different textures.
8th day of covid
My sick leave is expired, and I still feel like shit, but “luckily,” we are on holiday where I do not need my brain‘s total capacity and can stay in bed. I am still a friendly vegetable, and now I‘ll go back to bed. It‘s 4 in the afternoon, after all…
I don‘t smell anything.
Being sick on holidays sucks because I get irritated easily at everything, knowing I am irritated for no real reason. For this realization, my ill body‘s ego treats me to just another round of annoyance.
The ninth day of covid
Two of us are still positive. I am sick and tired, and sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I want my brain to function back and do things, but all I do is eat a bit in the morning, lie in bed, and eat a bit a night. This might be what recovery looks like, but it‘s not what I think of when I think of being on holiday. Especially as it keeps looking like I‘ll be reasonably fit again to do the seriously draining train ride from Spain to Germany again. Yes, I know it was way worse for many others, but this doesn’t mean that being here with the kids after two years and then hiding at home doesn‘t suck.
10th day of covid 23
My sick leave is over and I am using my holidays to recover. That sucks because I wouldn’t know how to work now, but I also doubt I would get more days off to recover properly. Sure I could sit on a chair for 8 hours a day and move the mouse around, but I am in no way capable of doing work, let alone good work that involves complex thinking. I am wondering how people who have a job where they can’t just sit around handle it. I am making so many little mistakes as I can’t focus. If I were a carpenter and forced to be back at work, I’d accidentally cut my arm off in no time, or I’d fall off the roof, or both simultaneously.
Covid day 11 24
All tests are negative. I felt okay for about an hour today. It’s like someone stole my battery. I can’t concentrate, let alone tackle a grown-up task like paying bills which makes me nervous and scared, but that won’t get it done either.
And now that we are all negative, we have two whole days of holidays left.
Day 12 of Covid
I am pretty sure that none of us is spreading the virus anymore, so we had a day on the beach and ice cream. Everybody else had a flavor, I had “cold and sweet”.
If I have to use my brain for example to engage in a conversation I get a strange metallic headache. It tastes like metal which is irritating because I still barely smell anything.
13th day of Covid 26
We are packing our bags and leaving the village. Having met barely anyone is sad because this village’s awesomeness is the great people we know and get to hang out with when we are here.
Traveling by train with the dog and luggage is a drag.
14th day of Covid
A stopover in Barcelona until the next leg of the journey. I am meeting people I haven’t seen in a while and am super happy about it. A few hours of casual talking is exceptionally exhausting but worthwhile. Most of the time, I still stay in bed doing nothing – well, playing some Diablo Immortal (Here’s my Battle.net handle: #HerrBerta2125), but that counts as doing nothing as I need less than one brain cell for it – It’s just as boring as it is addictive.
15th day of Covid
During the train ride, I am hanging in my chair like a corpse, mentally preparing for the change in Paris, where we need to take the metro during rush hour to get to the other train station where the next rain leaves in an hour. And another 14h journeys by train – reducing our contribution to the climate crisis is mostly but not always fun. It all works well, but I am drained.
As I still barely smell anything, I just ate dry bread all day, it’s a bit chewy and crunchy, and the taste doesn’t matter anyway.
16th, 17th, and 18th day of Covid
I did nothing. A long weekend before I have to start working again. That’s sad because I had many plans, and all the things I can’t do now due to Covid won’t go away. They’ll pile up and drag me down.
I am also ready to punch the next person doing some bullshit talk about how Covid isn’t severe right in the face. Mind you. I am doing pretty well in comparison to many others. I can pull a punch – one, but that should be enough. How about taking everything that threatens people’s lives seriously? Covid, Climate Crisis, War, Salmonella, Femizid, Cancer, Air Pollution, Capitalism, Antibiotic Resistant Bacteria, Racism, Heat Waves, Speeding, Drunk Driving, … Ignoring one thing because it’s convenient for your self-centered ass won’t make it go away and seriously hurts many others that apparently do not fall into the category of people you give a fuck about.
19th day of Covid
Back to work. It’s a disaster. My coworkers are kind to their co-carrot. Seriously, I am not contributing much more than a carrot compared to my pre-covid self.
Oh, and due to my overworked and weakened immune system, I got a bladder infection.
Have, a great day at the home office.
My partner, the master of pulling himself together had a really tough day, realizing that covid still negatively affects his capacity to think and concentrate.
20th day of Covid
Carrot is reporting back to work one again. It’s a nightmare. I have many different tasks and requests, and I usually balance and remember them all. Atm, it’s like I am trying to catch water with a strainer. I wonder if forcing myself to perform somewhat will slow down my recovery. I am getting a little better daily, but it’s so slow and draining.
21st day of Covid
MANY people older and younger report that they were severely affected for up to four weeks. I think that’s realistic for me as well and you know what – it sucks – big time. Not only for personal convenience but also if I think about how the limitation of our abilities to do harder things has negative consequences in many many ways for many many people. A whole month of “adulting” that now has to be done on top of everything else.
22nd day of Covid
Did I mention that I sleep badly? For the last weeks, I keep tossing and turning and after eight hours I feel drained and beaten. This might be usual for some but I am comparing it to my pre-covid self who fell asleep easily and jumped out of bed like toast.
23rd day of Covid
I made so many little mistakes at work – it’s embarrassing. Not sure if anyone noticed big time but I notice and it’s dragging me down. It’s like being used to juggling ten balls with ease and now I can even keep one in my hand for a longer period of time. At least I finished one important article and it seemed ok, but I really miss doing a great job easily.
24th day of Covid
I got through my workday and attended my dad’s birthday celebration. People over 80 stayed up significantly longer than I could manage. Halfway through dinner, I felt that I had no energy anymore to really engage so I mostly listened. It was nice to see everyone anyway and there’s nothing wrong with being a good listener.
25th day of Covid
Another day on the train. I wanted to use the time to dig back into my training material or at least read my book. I barely did any of that, but the dog and I arrived at our destination. That’s something.
26th day of Covid
I left the house, met friends, went to a march, had fun, went back home at 20:00 and I was dead. The others I believe went on to party the night away but yeah I probably wouldn’t have joined for that either way. 😀
27th day of Covid
I feel that I drained my batteries yesterday but I still did a big chunk of garden work. The beauty of that is that I do not have to use my brain much. I concentrate on one thing and then I work. It was great. My partner made a cake. The dog enjoyed the garden too and ate – I suspect – two many apples. No reading though as the brain capacity for that isn’t there.
28th day of Covid
The weekend is over. I dread having to work again because with my limited capacity to concentrate I feel like I am letting people down – I also think that’s not what people are thinking.
When I got up I felt terrible, it was a huge drag to move and take a shower, and all despite 8.5h of bad sleep.
Anyway, by now, I am doing ok, and other than writing this I haven’t really tried to think so I can’t report on that yet.
It’s meh, but I declare myself ok and healthy. First of all, I don’t really have another choice as stuff needs to get done and I have to pull myself together. Secondly, I am in the luxurious situation of thinking that I am doing well enough that pulling myself together and focusing on what is possible rather than what isn’t fully ok yet is the actual best way forward.
Now I slowly need to get back into my healthy habits like meditation, workouts/ walking/ cycling, writing, reading, activism, and all. I also have a full schedule for learning new skills.
2 weeks later …
Like I mentioned before – I HAVE to be ok, so I “am” ok.
Maybe I just happened to age a lot in the last weeks. My back and bones hurt, I am tired and after a day of work basically dead. A crippling headache that is immune to anything from aspirin to paracetamol is a regular visitor. My sense of smell is still not at 100% and I am overall just a lot less resilient than I used to be.
Update November 2022
121 days since my first day of Covid
I am doing most things I used to do before I got Covid, but they hurt. The back hurts the muscles hurt it’s just all a bit more of a drag. I lost some stamina and gained some weight as I am too exhausted all the time to do the exercise I used to enjoy. When we go somewhere by bicycle I am dead after five minutes. I pull through as I do with everything but again – it hurts.
And then sometimes I am ashamed that Covid hit me harder than my 85 years old neighbor who luckily simply had a few flu symptoms. Honestly wtf? What is it that makes me feel bad about having some longer effects of a virus which killed so many? Seriously, I feel like I need to emphasize my healthy lifestyle and people will still think that it was my faulty immune system due to my bad personal choices and not a damn virus. And what about the many people who died? Was it all their fault too? This is a very slippery slope. We can not – no matter how rich or smart or healthy – control the future. There are no guarantees. All we can do is support each other – support each other unconditionally – the people who never smoked and got lung cancer as well as the ones who smoked.